I'm sorry

This is my new pet hate in life; I had a massive accident last year, broke 10 bones and lost 2 fingers, great way to spend Christmas I assure you. Anyway 11 months later I get diagnosed with Melanoma, so far the concensus is that because of the accident my immune system dropped and this ment that I could no longer fight off the cancer as well as I had been and thus it has become apparent.

Shitty luck I know, but then again, if you are me you kinda get used to it.

Anyway, the reason for me actually typing this load of drivel is because there are two things I am getting sick of with this whole thing... the first being everyone saying that I am taking it so calmly and well... No I am taking it pretty much the same as everyone else would in my case, I just have never and never will be the kind of person that curls up into a little ball and whats to die. I am sorry, quitters do that. Sure there are things that are annoying, I am tired all the time and I cant eat anything thats got grease or fat... or actually protein in general and if I am really careful I can go 3 days without being sick... but should I stop life because of this? I don't see why.

The second thing that annoys me is the people who say: "I'm sorry."

Sorry for what? Did you cause my cancer? Hell no, life and circumstance did, so no need to be sorry. Maybe say: "Sorry to hear that" or something but sorry just sounds daft.

Anyway, thats about it for now...

later.

Watchmen - A Review

It has recently come to my attention that I should give my (not so) humble opinion on the movie Watchmen. Now it is not like I expect myself to be listened to, see my top 25 is filled with things like Omega Doom, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, Tank Girl, Strange Days and Army of Darkness. This would make me a B grade movie lover, which comes with the unfortunate side effect of I enjoy a story rather than the million dollar marketing campaign that tells me I love the story before it even released. And then when it is find myself dazzled by the Special Effects as per Matrix 2&3.

No, I like my tale, Matrix should have been left where it was Terminator was actually improved by the story given in the Sarah Conner Chronicles (can never spell that right so here goes) but not by the 3rd movie. Where Twilight had one good scene (where they only can play baseball in a thunderstorm) left woman utterly useless for months after!

So prattle done, lets talk about Watchmen.

And while we are at it lets jump into the heart of the matter THE BIG BLUE PENIS! It is nice to know that in a story that is riddled with rape, genocide, xenophobia and a big dash of intrigue we are so desensitised that all I have to do is pay some dude R50 give him some paint and have his BIG BLUE PENIS showing while I rape, pillage and generally go to town.

Picture the police reports: "So M'am who did you see?" "THE BIG BLUE PENIS!"

Oh, for crying out loud, grow up! If you are old enough to see the movie (voluntarily) I assume you know what a) the colour blue is, and b) what a penis looks like... THESE SHOULD NOT BE SHOCKING THINGS! FRACK! Just imagine if the movie 300 was filmed 'accurately'! And then please take into account that the man is a god he can make his BIG BLUE PENIS as big of as small as he likes which I am sure made Laurie a very happy girl once or twice or... never mind, or is it that a man in the show can multi-task? Hmmmm.

Anyway I have spent the last 374 words fighting a loosing battle so... lets get to the meat of Watchmen. Watchmen is a comic book story same as Sin City same as 300 same as all those other horrendous things (Spiderman and Batman) that the mainsteam media lets me know is good. Watchmen however kinda snuck up on people, there was a massive internet (yes that thing that people use to read what I am writing) campaign but not much else and then it showed, with what I can say was very little enthusiasm from my part (wheelchair and broken bones not included)... Till I saw it! Damn Hollywood, now we're talkin'!

The protagonist of the show is Rorschach, a sociopath (good start), who sets the tale... Superhero's are banned unless they are 'sanctioned' an interesting start (picture Peter Parker standing in line to be 'sanctioned'! ROTFLMAO... Sorry). So we are left with a world with 2 remaining superhero's The Comedian (who dies in the first scene of the show) and THE BIG BLUE PENIS (Dr Manhattan for people that actually care), But the Comedian's legacy soon gets revealed to be more than just some asshole (and he is) but rather a driving force in the show.

Now alas I would like to tell you more, but in that case I would need a year and a teaching degree. But I am way to humble for that (till 6 beers down and alot of time) and will leave you with this: THE BIG BLUE PENIS might be the one thing that really grabs you, but if thats it... I have hope for your children, they will live in the society that becomes a horror later...

Are you Happy?

Wached this great film the other evening called What Woman Want, it was a good flik, old-school, with very little story other and an asshole can hear womans thoughts and is thus transformed into a nice guy... Great flick! Got Mel Gibson at the helm and (yet) anouther girl power movie... But thats just it... are there really "boy power" movies out there anymore? Is there really anything out there these days that stops the estogen flowing and acually gives the men in the wold an inkling of that, long forgotton-often badmouthed-actually needed for the propigation of the human race-horror word:

TESTROSTERONE!

FUCKALL! Lets take a tour:

Bond... James Bond. We all have our favourates. Men, know Sean Connery is God, while woman think Pierce Brosnan is the best place in the world to park thier shoes. And to be honest I do not blame them for there mistake. Both dark haired, both on-top of thier game both MEN for the most part... But I bring to you one scene among many, Goldeneye - Bond walks up to Moneypenny makes his usual flirtatus remark and, OOPS she has a date, thus Bond is left flapping in the wind. To the girls it says: "You go girl, you have the power!", to the Bond Geek it says: "They all have a dates don't bother."

Not even gonna get started on the "Reboot Bonds"!

Indiana Jones was a great flik right? Apparently so great, they actually had to go and conciusly change the main character from being a man to a girl to get game sales, hence that titty, titty, strutty, strutty, I'll blow your face of if you look at me, pshycopath, Laura Croft was born... Good stuff!

BSG ( for the non geeks thats BattleStar Galactica), There are two major players, Obama (the comander of the Galactica ie, the ship with the big guns) AKA the Biggest Dick and Laura Rosslyn (the President of pretty much fuckall, 45K people with no guns is pretty much a joke) AKA The Estorgen Pit, where all logic dissapears. Now in the show as scifi and above most as it is there are no fewer than 6 Strong female roles, all showing just how good they are while at the end of the day all the men other than Obama are best described as dazed and confused... sounds kinda like today.

Terminator (Big, bad killy robot sent back through... damn I dont care if you have overies you HAVE to know this story). So this guy gets sent back through time to fight this uber killy thing that he stands no chance defeating right? He goes trough anyway and does a bangup (scuse the pun) job... and dies in the process. Then along comes T:SCC where we (as males) are subjected to run and hide while a goodly amount of Tits & Ass go out and fuck the world up...

Californication... THE LAST BASTIAN OF MALE! The Guy (Hank Moody) drinks, smokes and fucks... not in that order... We have been saved! Hala... oops wait, the show all of a sudden portays the man as being a fuckup (which he is, I know, we smell our own), who can only do anything constructive ( I say constructive, because all of a sudden being able to do the imposible, chatting up a woman by being a male is shown in a bad light) but now he cant even do that because a woman,who told him to fuck off, must chase her.

Then, after taking it all away I hear: "Where have all the real men gone?"

Answer: "You fucking castrated them! and those you missed are not all that turned on by the saggy tits that are no loger suported!"

But ya, thats just me using the last little squirt of testosterone.

Prototype (PC) Review

Dunno if it's just me, but there are very few games that really WOW me Fallout 3 was definatly one of them. As addicitve as the game was I did find it slow paced and very tedious at times... Prototype, anouther sandbox game (albiet a smaller sandbox, this time the size of Manhattan instead of Washington), is by far on the other side of the spectrum. Mass Slaughter and Mayhem side of the spectum infact, where Fallout would be on the bunnies and daisies side of things, comparitivly.

To be honest I am very partial to Mass Slaughter and Mayhem I have to confess, but at the same time let me point out that I am not one of those gamers that can button mash and memorise all the "super kill" combinations in a game. But I must hand it to Activision and Radical, they know how to make a keyboard interface, but more on that later... first some of the more important stuff.

The story to Prototype is not the most origional in the world, seen 28 Days Later? Watched Resident Evil (ya, all 3)? Well you pretty much have the story of Prototype right there, big bad zombiefying virus gets set loose in Manhattan rapidly turning the inhabitants of Manhattan into mindless zombies. And you? Well you play Alex Mercer, one of the two people to have not become mindless and instead can do funky things, like turn your arms, and body at times, into a uber killing machine.

That ability is very much needed, because almost everything wants you dead, the military because you are infected and the infected well because you are you. So what ensues is pretty much the Mass Slaughter and Mayhem I was talking about.

Now some might scream about video game violence, and I will agree 100% as soon as I can lift a car and throw it at a chopper I sure as hell will. Not to mention, if I can ever turn my arms into hacky and slashy, stopmy things I will definatly cause more violence than the game could dream of teaching me to do... but alas until I can I'll rather play Prototype.

Well back to the game, instead of my mildly disguised phsycopathic nature...

On the controls as promised, one thing I can say is get very used to 'left click', 'right click', 'E' and 'Space' these are the things you will be wearing thin. Also get very good at pressing 1,2 or 3 while running though your WADS at breakneck, if not panicked speed. Now while this might sound difficult, it isn't it seems to flow quite naturally more so than what I thought was Prince of Persia Perfect... now it'll have to be renamed to Prototype Perfect, evolution at it's finest.

Alas, there are some downsides, most formost being the menu interface, but being a console port one cannot expect perfection. The others being in the gameplay itself. One is if you are hijacking a tank you have a tendancy to sit and stand on it like an idiot giving plenty of others time to blow you off or kill you (which to be honest is a feat in itself but possible with enough rockets).

Nextup is some of the missions, while I might not be the most robotic perfect gamer out there I just don't know if they are possible without the 'checkpoints' in between. Ya there is no Save feature anouther downfall from any game that is ported from a console game but atleast they where nice enough to put in these 'checkpoints' for when things go south... as they inevetibly will, there are times when you just plain bite off more than you can chew.

All in all though I have to say these flaws are while able to raise your blood pressure are not bad enough to ruin a damn good and fun game.

Have we stunted ourselves?

Some people say that for major advancements in technology, I do not agree. Sure in World War II we got great inventions like Radar and of course nuclear physics. Okay the nuclear physics was used to kill lots of people but that lead to atomic power. Of course most of the inventions are used to kill people or blow things up spectacularly but parts of those inventions filter down to us normal people for use in in everyday things, like speakers.

Alas I do not see this as the pinnacle of invention, in reality most of the better, world changing, inventions or applications come from times of piece. Look at flight, a massive step in human ‘evolution’, that was invented not for slaughter (even though it became very good at that later) but rather to fulfill a human dream that has existed since before Icarus flew to close to the sun and that was a LONG time ago.

Motorcars, did not start off so that we could build tanks but rather because we were tired of walking everywhere and speed is a factor ofcourse… sure enough as soon as we build anything, some idiot (like me) till try and see just how fast we can make it go. Not that this is a bad thing either seeing as that also leads to some relatively good and ingenious invention.

However one will note flight was established in 1908 and the automobile a good 150 years before that in 1769. Now other than the fact that the world was a relatively quiet place during those times, there is a far more obscure fact that leads to not only the invention but also the mass adoption of these ideas unlike today.

Lets see if you can hazard a guess as to what that is.

Okay, I’ll tell you, its fear, fear of this ‘nice’ new ‘safe’ society we live in.

Just think about it, say we had to solve all the problems associated with teleportation, all of a sudden World Health Organization and all the other made up jobs out there step in to contemplate the safety of it all and it’s all of a sudden tied up in rubbish for the next 20 years as they discuss it and waist time.

It’s actually quite simple, one person, and there is always one person who is brave enough to try it first, simply needs to step in and one of two things happens either it works or it doesn’t and they tweak and try again later.

Not in this day and age after years of discussing who’s jurisdiction it falls under and then further centuries of people trying to justify their made up positions there might be a test and woe be it if something actually goes wrong. Lawsuits and finger pointing all round as these fake people desperately try and cling to their nothing, while the pioneers fade into the same bland background as we are currently stuck in.

I really feel for these people because they are just that, pioneers, people who don’t want the bland nothingness that all this ‘safeness’ has brought about.

A little known fact is that NASA when they sent out the legendary Apollo 11 moon landing mission, a mere 40 years ago, they actually had no clue as to whether it would succeed or not. Their primary concern was the separation of the ascent stage of the craft and actually had a press statement prepared to if it failed. Now in that time a failure would not have resulted in lawsuits and the halt of progress they simply would have sent the next group and tried again.

So now we sit in this proverbial scientific grey area with little to no advancement being made, in fact for the most part we seem to be going backwards or slower, look at flight with the death of the concord no effort has been made to replace it instead they talk about it and then build bigger and slower planes instead.

I say we should revert back remove these stuffy made up jobs and forge forth. Remember: “He who dares, wins.”

Crash, Boom, Bang

Just so that some things make sence; on December 13, 2008 I killed a lampost and my bike... myself? well thats gonna take some healing...

This Game Sucks

I am a hairs breath away from being put of the boy / girl game and seeing if I can shape the world by marrying my bike! That would be fun though, imagine if I can pull that off, people will beable to marry computers and the likes in the future...

Anyway, why am I in this point of view? I am sure you are dieing to know... okay not quite. Firstly let me warn you before hand that there is alot of back story and will be in this thoughout this post.

Okay, I saw my one of my best friends off today. He is leaving for Canada (again) and while I might not cry as much as him, well it hurt like a sunofabitch. So my solution was... lets go have a drink or a 100. Unfortunatly, as per an omen that he was not to leave (or just my typical fracking luck) a lighning bolt had hit a sub station and thus my favourate pub was well... in the dark. So upon getting back I decided that I would walk (yes had better ideas in my life. I did however realise that I have become an unfit SOB) to the Dros down the road (that is if 3Km is down the road).

Anyway, got there and ordered a beer, and anouther, and anouther, and anouther...

After awhile a girl walked in... not that I was in the mood for conversation, I was more trying to figure out what and what not was stopping me from heading to Canada and getting the Frack out of this country... Anyway, time passed (I think 2 beers) and nothing was said till she wanted to head to the bathroom and she asked me to look after her bag... Shiney! Not a problem, thats something I can do, thus I did.

To cut a short story long, she was in the bathroom for less time than any woman I have ever known... (That is if I am dishonest, there are 2 others; one is a Lesbian and the other... well she is comming.)

BUT! Now that I think about it this is a good time to bring her in... now the trick is to keep this very vague... lets say the following; she was probably the best lay I have ever had (crude? I know but like I care), she made me look saine (a feat in itself), and the little fact that she was 24 and had a kid... was having probs with the daddy and thus well I was sorta around.

Shit that was not all that vague...

So the point?

Well getting back to the evening... after awhile of me trying to figure out how to get the hell out of this country and into anouther as well as what is keeping me tied to it (here I will say that the fact that my beer might just freeze if I walk outside is a pretty good deterant). She interupts my deap thoughts... okay not so deap.

Anyway, well we chat about the usual... work, location and weather... *Yawn!* as well as the whole buddy overseas thing... during wich I say I have nothing other that ny bike keeping me here other than the weather (hence the chat about the weather... see it wasn't that dull)

Then she says: "I'll tell you my story."

Turns out she is married (still trying to figure out the entire story of why exactly she wasn't wearing her ring), she has a kid and is the same age as me. But (Frack! I hate that word) she4 has an issue with her hubby... bla bla, her problem not gonna bore you all with it but this brings me to the big question...

DO I HAVE A FRACKING SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS PEOPLE WITH ISSUES WELCOME!

Okay, I think that some of this is because she looks and has the mannerisums of the previous... lets say nameless chick from before that I sat there, as per before and listened to all the shiite.

So the point?

Thats simple, my bike is simple: petrol, oil, and a service now and then she is happy and I know when she is happy. My luck with the so called fairer sex? well that I think I have covered pretty well. Now, I have a thoery (Might be fueld by male ego, but you know what? I am one and have one).

R20 says I could have gotton her into bed. With a pretty devious, underhanded, way too alas... I am to god damn nice and decided it might be best if she plays with her hubby instead of me. Honourable I know... I am the shining beacon of honour... but to be honest I have just had too much of the whole emotional baggage thing. So I ask again:

DO I HAVE A FRACKING SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS PEOPLE WITH ISSUES WELCOME!

Anyway, thats life...