Watchmen - A Review

It has recently come to my attention that I should give my (not so) humble opinion on the movie Watchmen. Now it is not like I expect myself to be listened to, see my top 25 is filled with things like Omega Doom, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, Tank Girl, Strange Days and Army of Darkness. This would make me a B grade movie lover, which comes with the unfortunate side effect of I enjoy a story rather than the million dollar marketing campaign that tells me I love the story before it even released. And then when it is find myself dazzled by the Special Effects as per Matrix 2&3.

No, I like my tale, Matrix should have been left where it was Terminator was actually improved by the story given in the Sarah Conner Chronicles (can never spell that right so here goes) but not by the 3rd movie. Where Twilight had one good scene (where they only can play baseball in a thunderstorm) left woman utterly useless for months after!

So prattle done, lets talk about Watchmen.

And while we are at it lets jump into the heart of the matter THE BIG BLUE PENIS! It is nice to know that in a story that is riddled with rape, genocide, xenophobia and a big dash of intrigue we are so desensitised that all I have to do is pay some dude R50 give him some paint and have his BIG BLUE PENIS showing while I rape, pillage and generally go to town.

Picture the police reports: "So M'am who did you see?" "THE BIG BLUE PENIS!"

Oh, for crying out loud, grow up! If you are old enough to see the movie (voluntarily) I assume you know what a) the colour blue is, and b) what a penis looks like... THESE SHOULD NOT BE SHOCKING THINGS! FRACK! Just imagine if the movie 300 was filmed 'accurately'! And then please take into account that the man is a god he can make his BIG BLUE PENIS as big of as small as he likes which I am sure made Laurie a very happy girl once or twice or... never mind, or is it that a man in the show can multi-task? Hmmmm.

Anyway I have spent the last 374 words fighting a loosing battle so... lets get to the meat of Watchmen. Watchmen is a comic book story same as Sin City same as 300 same as all those other horrendous things (Spiderman and Batman) that the mainsteam media lets me know is good. Watchmen however kinda snuck up on people, there was a massive internet (yes that thing that people use to read what I am writing) campaign but not much else and then it showed, with what I can say was very little enthusiasm from my part (wheelchair and broken bones not included)... Till I saw it! Damn Hollywood, now we're talkin'!

The protagonist of the show is Rorschach, a sociopath (good start), who sets the tale... Superhero's are banned unless they are 'sanctioned' an interesting start (picture Peter Parker standing in line to be 'sanctioned'! ROTFLMAO... Sorry). So we are left with a world with 2 remaining superhero's The Comedian (who dies in the first scene of the show) and THE BIG BLUE PENIS (Dr Manhattan for people that actually care), But the Comedian's legacy soon gets revealed to be more than just some asshole (and he is) but rather a driving force in the show.

Now alas I would like to tell you more, but in that case I would need a year and a teaching degree. But I am way to humble for that (till 6 beers down and alot of time) and will leave you with this: THE BIG BLUE PENIS might be the one thing that really grabs you, but if thats it... I have hope for your children, they will live in the society that becomes a horror later...