First some background story. I have been riding bikes for a pretty long time; on and off (i.e. whenever my bike was actually operational) for 9 years. Now I know that some people (who would generally be classified as older and wiser, not that I would ever really classify riding a bike as wise, let alone sane) would say that, that would make me but a spring chicken, but for others, me included that make me pretty much a veteran. Especially when it is your primary form of transport, yup, I ain’t no weekend warrior.
Sure, there have been thrills and (to many) spills but now I can finally say that I have my first real bike. The first one that I had was a BMW R60/5 she was a trusty old bike (actually her personality was that of a jealous woman, but as long as I loved her, she loved me) that was 2 years younger than I am old. To be brutally honest it was not in the best of shape for two reasons. Firstly there was the problem that plagues all aging motor vehicles (and humans for that matter) things started breaking. Secondly, was the small problem of her rider being a little insane let alone suicidal. Finally on one fateful night, she met her demise in a corner… While that is a bad thing I assure you it is also a blessing. You see there is one innate flaw in having an old bike, it quite successfully devours all the money that you could and would have used to buy a newer one simply to keep it running. So with her demise (and a great deal of saving), I got my baby the R 1100 S Sport.
Anyway, the point of this little bedtime story is to point out that I have now had +/- 9 years of road experience and seen a lot of changes in people and bikers (yes I do differentiate) and their driving/riding attitudes. If you had asked me about 4-6 years ago who was the worst on the road my response, as would many others, would have been automatic: “Mercs and BM’s” However things change and, as it is said time slows for no man, except of course if you are travelling at the speed of light of course, a speed I am yet to reach. So now we get to the top five worst car drivers on the road, let the countdown begin:
First place is a new entry and is exclusively held by BFB’s (Big Fucking Bakkies), more commonly known to their owners as 4X4’s or even double cabs. The reasons that I give these drivers the so called honour of this position are numerous. Firstly, the vehicle itself is flawed, not so much by design but more by stupidity. An off-road vehicle as the name implies is supposed to be used off-road (yes some people don’t grasp simple facts like this). Thus it has a number of design features that makes it suitable for its intended use; some of these are:
It has a very high wheel base, this allows the driver to easily navigate boulders and other obstacles that he may encounter with the vehicle during its intended use, the downside is that this quite successfully raises the all the mirrors to the perfect height to reduce their effectiveness to zero. Then there is the fact that they are very large vehicles, used properly, this helps with stability and allows for a large amount of gear to be carried while bashing through the bundus. On the road however this size provides a perfect moving wall that reduces the visibility of those around them to just more than nothing. Yes, just like with real walls they are not built of glass and thus you can’t see though them.
The other side effect of a vehicle that size is the power trip, “Look at me I am so big, I can do whatever I want!” No you can’t. It seems to be commonly though that the law is just there for smaller objects, while BFB’s are exempt, but let me assure you that Newton was right when he stated that two objects of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Yes, I know that these complex scientific laws are difficult for some to grasp but they are still in effect no mater what you believe.
Second Place (Previously First Place) are the Mercs. We have all heard the story that with the price they paid for the car that they own a piece of the road. Personally, I agree and will be happy to grant them their own little piece of tarmac. But please understand, if you own a piece of land it doesn’t exactly move with you, so please take your little piece of tar, I’m sure that there is plenty out there for you to own, preferably in the Karoo or somewhere harmless to others.
The other issue with Mercs, while I have yet to actually go and enquire about this, it seams that their indicators come as an optional extra, at the price of 20K per indicator. Now I can understand that with the cheapest Merc being a mere pocket change of 182K that this would push the price up by 80K resulting in a whopping 262K, now that amount is not to be sneezed at. It is however, a problem when it is against the law to not have indicators on your vehicle and it is also against the law to not indicate while turning. So my (humble) advice would be; buy a Palio II. The flickers cost about the same but they’ll even throw in a free car.
Third Place (New Entry) is the VW Golf, not the Golf 5 or the GTI as one would expect, no this one is actually a surprise, they are the Chico and Citi(1.4i) Golf’s. This new arrival does surprise me somewhat, as for the most part these people should know better, and I can assure you with current property prices they do not own the road. I could of course, take a shot in the dark (which I will) and say that it is due to the fact that their flickers cost less than those of the Palio II, but I seriously doubt it.
I another guess could also be that they are trying to prove that their little car is not as bad as people think. If this is the case, please sit down, take a deep breath and listen, it is as bad as other people think. It is under powered and does not have any of the luxuries that you get when you pay for a bigger and better car (like the Golf 5). Please, accept this as fact; I can assure you that your car has absolutely nothing to do with your penis or breast size, let alone how attractive you are to the other sex.
In Fourth Place (Previously Second) is the BMW. With BMW’s prices dropped the BMW is now a far more affordable car to the average man, thus there are more and more normal (please note: Normal is a relative term) people are able to afford them, resulting in their somewhat significant two place fall from glory.
Unfortunately, the underlying problem is still there. While there are the new and improved drivers there are also the people that still cling to the fact that a better car (over)compensates for certain things. I guess that this belief more or less follows the logic behind retail therapy, another thing that does not actually work, but is totally unrelated to this topic, so let me get back to the point.
The car itself is of a great design, and incorporates the all powerful German engineering (unlike the Merc that has become American engineering, pity). This brilliant design does come with one very important bonus feature, the flickers are not an optional extra, and people say the Germans are bad people. What’s even more astonishing is that for the most part, the drivers of these cars have even found the little leaver on the left of the steering wheel that actually operates these curious little devices. They have also, however, forgotten where the fog light switch is located, I guess there is a price to pay for everything and that the lesser of two evils is better.
Fifth Place is a surprise, it’s not a car, in fact it’s a bike; sadly it goes to the F 650 GS (New Entry), okay this isn’t the only type but it s a good example. As mentioned before BMW’s prices are more affordable than ever before the F 650 GS (and its variations) being the most popular. The problem is that this new and improved price has drawn a great deal of new riders, while the common misconception is that it is easy to cut trough traffic I can assure you that it is not, in fact it is very dangerous and demanding, more often than not you arrive at your destination totally drained. With experience, riders do develop a form of (what I call) biker sense, this allows for a pretty accurate precognition of what the cars are going to do. There are times of course, as is the natural order of things, where this can fail (most often when BFB’s are involved), but it is still your lifeblood.
These people (yes, people, not riders) also have a tendency to clip mirrors of the cars. This is causes a two fold problem; the first being that those cars can no longer see bikes, and the second is that if they actually do see the bikes that they now have a grudge.
The good news is that once natural selection (I love Darwin) has taken place and the non worthy have been weeded out; those that are left actually grow up to be spring chickens like me. The other good news is, that with the increase of the traffic between lanes, the car drivers themselves are far more aware than they have ever been before, thus making life far easier. But (yup there is always a “but”, isn’t there) the problem is that we now have to cope with the bikes themselves, bikes that couldn’t take a gap if they received a written invitation, bikes that think that their mirrors are ornaments.
But hey, this is the life that bikers have chosen. We have balanced the good against the bad. We have looked at the possibility of developing a serious sense of road-rage and spending the next couple of years in jail for mass murder against taking our life into our own hands and taking on the terrors of the road. We have weighed the wind, the rain and the cold and found that we would rather put up with all of those for an extra half an hours sleep. I do not expect anyone to heed what is written here it is just an FYI. Just remember, we are the ones that drive for you.
Sure, there have been thrills and (to many) spills but now I can finally say that I have my first real bike. The first one that I had was a BMW R60/5 she was a trusty old bike (actually her personality was that of a jealous woman, but as long as I loved her, she loved me) that was 2 years younger than I am old. To be brutally honest it was not in the best of shape for two reasons. Firstly there was the problem that plagues all aging motor vehicles (and humans for that matter) things started breaking. Secondly, was the small problem of her rider being a little insane let alone suicidal. Finally on one fateful night, she met her demise in a corner… While that is a bad thing I assure you it is also a blessing. You see there is one innate flaw in having an old bike, it quite successfully devours all the money that you could and would have used to buy a newer one simply to keep it running. So with her demise (and a great deal of saving), I got my baby the R 1100 S Sport.
Anyway, the point of this little bedtime story is to point out that I have now had +/- 9 years of road experience and seen a lot of changes in people and bikers (yes I do differentiate) and their driving/riding attitudes. If you had asked me about 4-6 years ago who was the worst on the road my response, as would many others, would have been automatic: “Mercs and BM’s” However things change and, as it is said time slows for no man, except of course if you are travelling at the speed of light of course, a speed I am yet to reach. So now we get to the top five worst car drivers on the road, let the countdown begin:
First place is a new entry and is exclusively held by BFB’s (Big Fucking Bakkies), more commonly known to their owners as 4X4’s or even double cabs. The reasons that I give these drivers the so called honour of this position are numerous. Firstly, the vehicle itself is flawed, not so much by design but more by stupidity. An off-road vehicle as the name implies is supposed to be used off-road (yes some people don’t grasp simple facts like this). Thus it has a number of design features that makes it suitable for its intended use; some of these are:
It has a very high wheel base, this allows the driver to easily navigate boulders and other obstacles that he may encounter with the vehicle during its intended use, the downside is that this quite successfully raises the all the mirrors to the perfect height to reduce their effectiveness to zero. Then there is the fact that they are very large vehicles, used properly, this helps with stability and allows for a large amount of gear to be carried while bashing through the bundus. On the road however this size provides a perfect moving wall that reduces the visibility of those around them to just more than nothing. Yes, just like with real walls they are not built of glass and thus you can’t see though them.
The other side effect of a vehicle that size is the power trip, “Look at me I am so big, I can do whatever I want!” No you can’t. It seems to be commonly though that the law is just there for smaller objects, while BFB’s are exempt, but let me assure you that Newton was right when he stated that two objects of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Yes, I know that these complex scientific laws are difficult for some to grasp but they are still in effect no mater what you believe.
Second Place (Previously First Place) are the Mercs. We have all heard the story that with the price they paid for the car that they own a piece of the road. Personally, I agree and will be happy to grant them their own little piece of tarmac. But please understand, if you own a piece of land it doesn’t exactly move with you, so please take your little piece of tar, I’m sure that there is plenty out there for you to own, preferably in the Karoo or somewhere harmless to others.
The other issue with Mercs, while I have yet to actually go and enquire about this, it seams that their indicators come as an optional extra, at the price of 20K per indicator. Now I can understand that with the cheapest Merc being a mere pocket change of 182K that this would push the price up by 80K resulting in a whopping 262K, now that amount is not to be sneezed at. It is however, a problem when it is against the law to not have indicators on your vehicle and it is also against the law to not indicate while turning. So my (humble) advice would be; buy a Palio II. The flickers cost about the same but they’ll even throw in a free car.
Third Place (New Entry) is the VW Golf, not the Golf 5 or the GTI as one would expect, no this one is actually a surprise, they are the Chico and Citi(1.4i) Golf’s. This new arrival does surprise me somewhat, as for the most part these people should know better, and I can assure you with current property prices they do not own the road. I could of course, take a shot in the dark (which I will) and say that it is due to the fact that their flickers cost less than those of the Palio II, but I seriously doubt it.
I another guess could also be that they are trying to prove that their little car is not as bad as people think. If this is the case, please sit down, take a deep breath and listen, it is as bad as other people think. It is under powered and does not have any of the luxuries that you get when you pay for a bigger and better car (like the Golf 5). Please, accept this as fact; I can assure you that your car has absolutely nothing to do with your penis or breast size, let alone how attractive you are to the other sex.
In Fourth Place (Previously Second) is the BMW. With BMW’s prices dropped the BMW is now a far more affordable car to the average man, thus there are more and more normal (please note: Normal is a relative term) people are able to afford them, resulting in their somewhat significant two place fall from glory.
Unfortunately, the underlying problem is still there. While there are the new and improved drivers there are also the people that still cling to the fact that a better car (over)compensates for certain things. I guess that this belief more or less follows the logic behind retail therapy, another thing that does not actually work, but is totally unrelated to this topic, so let me get back to the point.
The car itself is of a great design, and incorporates the all powerful German engineering (unlike the Merc that has become American engineering, pity). This brilliant design does come with one very important bonus feature, the flickers are not an optional extra, and people say the Germans are bad people. What’s even more astonishing is that for the most part, the drivers of these cars have even found the little leaver on the left of the steering wheel that actually operates these curious little devices. They have also, however, forgotten where the fog light switch is located, I guess there is a price to pay for everything and that the lesser of two evils is better.
Fifth Place is a surprise, it’s not a car, in fact it’s a bike; sadly it goes to the F 650 GS (New Entry), okay this isn’t the only type but it s a good example. As mentioned before BMW’s prices are more affordable than ever before the F 650 GS (and its variations) being the most popular. The problem is that this new and improved price has drawn a great deal of new riders, while the common misconception is that it is easy to cut trough traffic I can assure you that it is not, in fact it is very dangerous and demanding, more often than not you arrive at your destination totally drained. With experience, riders do develop a form of (what I call) biker sense, this allows for a pretty accurate precognition of what the cars are going to do. There are times of course, as is the natural order of things, where this can fail (most often when BFB’s are involved), but it is still your lifeblood.
These people (yes, people, not riders) also have a tendency to clip mirrors of the cars. This is causes a two fold problem; the first being that those cars can no longer see bikes, and the second is that if they actually do see the bikes that they now have a grudge.
The good news is that once natural selection (I love Darwin) has taken place and the non worthy have been weeded out; those that are left actually grow up to be spring chickens like me. The other good news is, that with the increase of the traffic between lanes, the car drivers themselves are far more aware than they have ever been before, thus making life far easier. But (yup there is always a “but”, isn’t there) the problem is that we now have to cope with the bikes themselves, bikes that couldn’t take a gap if they received a written invitation, bikes that think that their mirrors are ornaments.
But hey, this is the life that bikers have chosen. We have balanced the good against the bad. We have looked at the possibility of developing a serious sense of road-rage and spending the next couple of years in jail for mass murder against taking our life into our own hands and taking on the terrors of the road. We have weighed the wind, the rain and the cold and found that we would rather put up with all of those for an extra half an hours sleep. I do not expect anyone to heed what is written here it is just an FYI. Just remember, we are the ones that drive for you.
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